Let’s play a game called “I’m totally joking, but would do that in a heartbeat if you were into it”
why aren’t gynecologists called private investigators
when people say “i love you” i always say “i love you more” because life is a competition and i must win
The unholy offspring of lightning and death itself.
Never engage this dragon.
Your only chance,
hide and pray it does not find you.
*re-reads sex chapter of fanfiction over breakfast cereal like it’s the morning paper*
*skypes u but doesn’t talk bc i dont want my family hearing*
Person: So, what are your interests?
I don’t believe in love at first sight, but I do know who’s gonna be my favorite character from like, two seconds of screen time.